The day I quit sugar
By Holly Carrington
As I write these words, the world seems to get a little darker and I grow a bit morose. You see, I've had a great relationship with sugar.
It's not like the time I went vegan for a month, though that was challenging in its own right. I ate constantly, foraging like a woodland creature, snacking on nuts and seeds. This will be much harder. This is akin to Don Draper penning his “Why I Quit Tobacco” ad, rife with ulterior motives. I want to feel better and eat cleaner and, to be perfectly frank, look like a million bucks while I'm at it. But letting go of my sweet addiction, I mean, relationship seems daunting and already I'm wondering if I can do it.
The first and only thing I ever stole from a store was a pack of M&Ms. I snatched it from the shelves of Drug Emporium and relished in my perfectly executed crime. Or so I thought. My brother, also known as Judas in this particular situation, noticed the small package in my pocket and ratted me out, right there in the parking lot. My dad made me go back in the store and return the cursed candies at once. The lady cashier scowled at me and I stood in shame, red-faced and defeated. And it's been like that ever since. I go after sugar like a Dickinsonian orphan, and as I wipe the bowl clean I'm left with a mess of regret and a bad stomachache.
Maybe some people have more will power than me. I'm sure it's nice to rise above the average person and laugh at my predicament. And it is funny, because I'm pretty sure I use sugar to welcome babies into the world, celebrate their birthdays and comfort people in times of trouble. Sugar is something that comforts me and now it's time to say
There has been substantial research on the negative effects sugar has on the human body, from promoting tooth decay to feeding cancer. Some people even feel like it should be outlawed, or at the very least regulated and contain a health warning on the label. When I think of sugar — sweet, snowy white sugar — being treated with the same medical distain as cigarettes, I know it's time to say goodbye.
But how? I made a sugar-free loaf of banana bread and the nicest thing one of my friends said it was fine as he smothered it with enough honey to choke a bear. What will replace this huge, sugar-shaped hole in my heart? I told you, this won't be easy. I've dabbled with agave nectar, maple syrup, fruit concentrate, and they are great, but my sugar-crazed nerves laugh at all these imposters.
So here it is, the day I quit sugar. How long before I cave and make chocolate chip cookies? Who's with me?