Having it all
By Holly Carrington
Sometimes I just want to go back to high school. I miss carefree afternoons with friends, stretch mark-free skin and having no responsibilities. Foolishly, I remember thinking how badly I wanted to grow up when I was in high school. I dreamed of a wood-floored loft in Westport, staying out way past my 9 p.m. curfew and, like Liz Lemon of 30 Rock says, “Having it all!”
Little did I know that growing up — responsibility, deadlines, workplace drudgery — would be so un-glamorous. My wood-floored loft is a house in the suburbs that is littered with baby toys and seemingly endless laundry. Staying out past curfew is something that makes me cringe, considering I’m usually listlessly surfing Pinterest at 9 p.m. and have no intentions of getting off the couch. And having it all? I’ll just settle for having the blissful hours that my daughter is asleep to myself.
But another thing that never crossed my adolescent mind was the utter confusion and occasional disappointment of dealing with the holidays and family, and trying to keep sane. I’m a natural people-pleaser and I do my best to cater to those in my family so that everyone is happy and gets what they want for the holidays. But that is getting exhausting. I had to make some changes this year for Easter that weren’t easy. I scaled down the grand brunch and chose to go to a different church service than my parents for the first time since I was a newborn. This being a grown-up kind of stinks. I hate disappointing people, especially the ones who raised me, but I felt like the choice was right for us.
I’m grateful beyond words for this journey and all the twists and turns, and it’s nice to know that even if I disappoint those I love, they are always going to be there when the dust settles. But that just might take some time, considering how much dust there is in our house.