What to expect when you're not expecting (But really would like to be)
By Holly Carrington
Life and work are all about choices and timing. You might be on a career path that takes you to new heights and helps you achieve your dreams. You may have just changed careers and find yourself at the bottom of the ladder again, knowing it will take time and effort to establish yourself. I remember those days.
Now, as a full-time mom, I've realize that the hours, the "boss" and the location may be different, but the goals are strikingly similar. You can choose to wait until you've established yourself as a seasoned mom or you may get a surprise that changes all your plans. And much like waiting for that hard-earned promotion, some of us find ourselves in the strange, frustrating and character-revealing position of trying for another baby. Some people chart their ovulation, taking their temperature religiously. Some go to Mexico and try for that vacation baby. Some just try and see, every month, month after month.
The wait can drive any rational woman crazy. You might find that everywhere you look, someone is pregnant. Your friends and co-workers get pregnant before you, sometimes when they weren't even planning on it. Seriously, why is everyone pregnant right now? You have to tell yourself to quit googling "signs of pregnancy." This will only lead to more confusion and potential disappointment. One month I thought I was based on what I read, but then was heartbroken when it turned out I wasn't.
The best (if not impossible) advice I've heard is to just relinquish control. Do what you can, when you can and leave the rest to God. It's hard because we live in an age where we need things immediately. We forget the virtue of patience, of respecting nature and appreciating what we already have. Throughout this journey, I've had some really positive breakthroughs. I've learned to listen to my body, really, truly listen. I've learned the value of great friends who simply listen and understand. I've gained wisdom from waiting. I've gained perspective as well. Sometimes wrestling with the guilt of wanting more when I already have so much. Oh yes, to wait is to surrender to time. How hard it is.
In the meantime, I'm going to laugh at my toddler girl who, overnight, has become the sassiest, most energetic, amazing little person. I'll keep laughing hysterically when we watch Parks and Recreation. I'll keep visiting friends who have just welcomed their little miracles into the world. I'll take their babies in my arms and breathe in their sweet scent, completely caught up in the warmth and wonder of it all. And I'll send a little prayer up. A hopeful one.